David Sedaris - The author and primary character of the essays. Sedaris shares anecdotes from his childhood, his time living in Paris, and various other experiences.

Lou Sedaris - David's father, who appears in several essays. Lou is often depicted as a quirky and sometimes overbearing figure with a strong personality.

Sharon Sedaris - David's mother, who is portrayed as a witty and supportive figure in his life.

Amy Sedaris - David's sister, who is also a comedian and actress. Amy often features in the stories, adding her own humor and eccentricity.

Hugh Hamrick - David's partner, who is frequently mentioned in the essays, particularly in those about their life together in France.

Paul Sedaris - Another of David's siblings, known as "The Rooster." Paul is characterized by his colorful language and outrageous behavior.

Gretchen and Lisa Sedaris - David's other sisters, who also make appearances in the book, adding to the dynamic of the Sedaris family.

Various Teachers and Classmates - In the essays about David's attempts to learn French while living in Paris, several teachers and classmates are featured, highlighting the challenges and humorous moments of language learning.

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