Ruth Rothwax: The protagonist, a successful letter-writing business owner in New York City. She is the daughter of a Holocaust survivor. Ruth is smart, neurotic, and obsessive.

Edek: Ruth's 87-year-old father, a Holocaust survivor who moves to New York and, with two Polish women, opens a successful meatball restaurant called "You Gotta Have Balls". He has difficulty expressing himself in English.

Zofia: A 69-year-old Polish woman who wins a green card and moves to New York to help Edek run the meatball restaurant. She is described as a "buxom, sixty-something femme fatale" who has a talent for making meatballs.

Walentyna: Another Polish woman who wins a green card and moves to New York to work at the meatball restaurant with Edek and Zofia.

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